I’m Sorry, You Have (Blank)itis

Dr. Jarrod Fairclough –  Short illnesses effect all of us in different ways.  We all get colds, we’re all susceptible to the flu.  It’s a basic fact that all humans get sick.  But did you know Muppets can get sick too?  Below you’ll find just 4 of the ‘itis’ family illnesses some of our favorite Muppets have suffered in the past, most of which you won’t find on WebMD.


Mallarditis is an aggressive illness which suddenly makes the sufferer turn in to a duck. Patient Zero was The Newsman


Cluckitis is a short disease which inflicts people for just a few days.  When an infected patient sneezes, they are turned in to a chicken.  It is not known to affect Whatever’s.
It once affected Roger Moore, however he became immune as it spread through The Muppet Theatre, including host Kermit, Scooter and Miss Piggy.


This disease is also known as ‘the okay bird flu’, as it only affects 8-foot yellow birds and cannot be caught.  Symptoms include coughing, fatigue, chills, sore throat, runny nose, and tweeting sounds.


Originating in Grouchland, Mine-itis makes infected patients become extremely selfish and unwilling to share their favorite toy.  In extreme cases it can cause patients to have a false sense of entitlement, leading them to steal others’ belongings.  They often chant ‘Mine’ while walking in an angry zombie-like state.  Unlike the previous diseases, this can be caught by humans, so if you begin to itch and hop like a kangaroo, please see a doctor. If you begin spinning, it is too late.  Kindness is the only cure.

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