Ryan Dosier – Happy Oscar Sunday, Muppet fans! It’s that magical day of the year where the unwashed masses get to feel a little more shiny by watching the Hollywood elite rub elbows and pat each other on the back by giving them golden statues! (Oh, who am I kidding? This is my Super Bowl!!) Anyway… I was having trouble making my pick for Best Picture this year, so I thought I would turn to the Muppets for a decision. Unfortunately, I got nine different answers… but they were entertaining, so I thought I would share them with you! Enjoy!
Statler and Waldorf chose the foreign-language film Amour. Not because it’s about two old people at the end of their lives… but because it was boring enough for them to sleep right through the whole thing.
Animal kept shouting about Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained. Well, actually, he just kept shouting “unchained,” but I assume this is what he meant.
Gonzo was partial to the lovely Beasts of the Southern Wild. But he was the first to admit that he’s a sucker for anything involving beasts and wild. He also loves attempting to pronounce Quevenzhane Wallis’ name while gargling gumbo.
Sam Eagle professed his love for Spielberg’s Lincoln. “Finally,” he said, “a film about the greatest American car of all time!” I didn’t have the heart to correct him.
Rizzo the Rat chose Ang Lee’s Life of Pi and can’t wait for the sequel, Life of Cake.
Fozzie Bear was fully supportive of the indie-darling Silver Linings Jokebook. I tried to explain to him that it’s actually called Silver Linings Playbook, but he was already coming up with a bit for his next act trying to tie together Bradley Cooper and a chicken. (“He wanted to coop-her! Ahh! Wocka! Wocka!”)
When I asked Beaker, he meeped and squealed for a little bit before I called in Dr. Honeydew to translate. He told me that Beaker’s choice for Best Picture is the war epic Zero Dark Thirty. Apparently Beaker sympathized with the torture victims that made the film so controversial.
Miss Piggy adored the epic musical Les Miserables. She hasn’t seen it, but she insists that the title “means something beautiful in French.”
Finally, Floyd Pepper chose Ben Affleck’s Argo. When asked why, he said, “It’s set in the 70s, right? Everything in the 70s was better, man.”
And there you have… something! Anyway, enjoy the Oscars tonight, Muppet fans!
The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier, firstname.lastname@example.org