Every once in awhile, I get an email from The British Correspondent. Usually, I just filter it into my Junk Mail folder (there’s only so many times that you can watch a YouTube video of a well-intentioned chap in a bowler sipping tea and pondering whether or not he should eat a crumpet after reading his copy of Paddington Bear), but this email was a bit more interesting… in that it was foolish, and foolish is as foolish does… so here we is, and here we does.
To: Ryan Dosier
Re: Closer Than You Think
I have stopped off at a place that I would call an Internet Café (which you American chaps would probably refer to as an “internet cafe”) in order to bring to your attention something that I believe will be of great interest to you. For quite some time now I have suspected something to be a fundamental truth of our great nations (mine, and yours as given birth to by mine) and it is which is this: The Muppets are closer than you think.
I do not know if you are a fan of Dr. Who, but in recent episodes it was revealed that a race of aliens known only as the Silent(s) had infiltrated our world many, many years ago but that, once seen, they were immediately forgotten and so they had lived among us without our having any knowledge of them for all that time. Hence bumps in the night or creaking doors with no logical explanation.
Well, I certainly do not believe in all that Who nonsense (aside from it being one of the greatest British constitutions of television of all time and therefore one of the greatest television programmes in the world ever!) but I do believe that, much as those Silents, our culture has been mysteriously influenced at many times and in various ways. From the growing sense of unity between cultures, to the “green” (being green?) movement; from knowledge of the Alphabet to cookies being a sometimes food; from the puns of the world’s great comedians to the occasional pie in the face. So many aspects of the world in which we live have come to reflect the world of the Muppets, and now, I (and only I) have discovered why this is. It just came to me the other day when I was walking through a cinema investigating popcorn flavours.
They are closer than we think.
Our world IS their world and their world IS our world.
Now I realise that this is a HUGE revelation, and I am certain that it will rock the world of Muppet fans and I am just so grateful to have been the first one enlightened to this fact that surely no one else has ever realised.
Oh, and I also heard there’s a new Muppet poster too. I wonder what tagline they will be using…because I certainly have not seen it and it did not form the foundation of this email.
Yours ever closer than you think (quite possibly right behind you),
The British C.
P.S. Below is
not the international version of the new Muppets poster.
(Please accept this copy of the email with our sincere apologies.)
The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier