Ryan Dosier – It’s almost Halloween, Muppet fans! Do you have your candy and your Bean Bunny costume ready to go? Did you finally convince your wife to go as Spamella/your husband to go as a Pa and Ma Gorg couple? …Good luck with either of those things.
Today we return with another review of some more hideous Muppet-related costumes! This time we look at the new Fraggle Rock costumes that were, shockingly, approved and released by The Jim Henson Company. I’m sure the suspense is killing you… which is awesome, because I could use an army of zombies for Halloween this year.
Anyway… here are the “Fraggle” (you’ll see why I used the parentheses in a second) costumes.
GOBO FRAGGLE COSTUME – $110
LIKENESS – It’s everyone’s favorite Fraggle: Hobo! (Not a typo.) Good grief, what the WHAT?! I don’t even know where to begin… for starters, $110 for this? Really? Really? I’d be extremely interested to know how many of these get sold. What is that hair made of? Cheerleader pom-poms? Did Gobo mug a cheerleader when he entered male pattern baldness–which he obviously inherited from Uncle Traveling Matt? Hmm… I smell a fan-fic! 2 STARS
FUN FACTOR – At this point I’d like to measure Fun Factor against Price… just to make it clear that it’s highly difficult to have enough fun with this costume to make it worth $110. In fact, I would argue that staging a live-action remake of a Fraggle Rock episode would be one of the only ways to have $110 worth of fun with this costume. 2 STARS
SCARE FACTOR – Well… I’m certainly freaked out. No amount of dancing my cares away could save this worry for another day. This looks like something that would be hanging in the Gorgs’ pantry in the Henson Haunted House. I really think it’s the head that scares the most on this thing… there’s just so much wrong with it. 4 STARS
RED FRAGGLE COSTUME – $110 (now $59.99)
LIKENESS – Yay! It’s everybody’s favorite Fraggle Rock character, Red Platypus! Don’t you just loved her webbed feet and her off-colored skin-tight legging legs? My favorite Red Platypus aspect is the bulky orange short shorts. Remember her trademark purple hair ribbons and her “AHHHH!!! A dingo!!” facial and body expression? Ah, such fond memories… (By the way, who knew Red had such a curvaceous mid-section?) 2 STARS
FUN FACTOR – No one who shows up to a highly populated Halloween party wearing this is going to have fun. Imagine everyone tugging your tail and your pigtails and laughing at your horribly disfigured head and pointing out that your wearing this is probably single-handedly delaying production on the Fraggle Rock Movie. (Kudos to said makers of fun if they’ve actually heard of the Fraggle Rock Movie.) 2 STARS
SCARE FACTOR – If this doesn’t say “run and hide,” I don’t know what would. Well… maybe ToughPigs’ Joe Hennes wearing this–that would certainly say “run and hide.” (Woot! I’ve made fun of Joe twice this week. Three more times and I get a free sub-sandwich at any participating Quiznos.) 4 STARS
WEMBLEY FRAGGLE COSTUME – $110 (now $59.99)
LIKENESS – Oh no!! Oh no, no, no! It’s happened! Someone has poisoned the Fraggle Rock water supply! Look what they’ve done to poor, poor Wembley!! Oh gosh, it’s gotten so bad that his brains have literally exploded out of his head. Worst. Halloween. Special. EVER. I like the banana tree shirt though–I’d like to just own that. 1 STAR
FUN FACTOR – Not even Wembley would wemble about whether or not this thing is fun to wear. What on earth might compel someone to put this on and go out in public? Certainly not a fan of Wembley–because they’d be disgracing themselves. I’m trying to come up with some sort of creature to compare this heap to… but I’ve got absolutely nothing. It’s a brand new homunculus mass of bad designing. 2 STARS
SCARE FACTOR – Fraggle Zombies are always scary–and Wembley Fraggle Zombie is the scariest of them all. This wins the Scare Factor award for the 2010 Muppet Halloween Costume season… Poor Wembley. The one time he wins… 5 STARS
MOKEY FRAGGLE COSTUME – $110 (now $59.99)
LIKENESS – This must be Mokey… the only time she gets merchandise is when it’s absolutely hideous. Mokey looks like that blue haired great aunt that your parents always invite to your birthdays that gives you a check for ten dollars then steals all of your Fig Newtons and smells like cats. …Psychotherapy, here I come! What on earth were they thinking when they saw this costume’s head? “Oh, yes, delightful. My favorite character from Farggle Lock, Monkey!” 1 STAR
FUN FACTOR – Mokey’s idea of fun is writing bad poetry… imagine all the awful poetry you could write about this thing. Here’s a sample–run with it. “There once was a costume of Mokey/That made me want to choke-y/Her head gave me nightmares/I want to maul it with bears/And put it out of its misery.” 1 STAR
SCARE FACTOR – The aunt image I put in my head in the Likeness section has freaked me out enough already. But I dare you to try to go to sleep while thinking about this costume’s head portion. And you thought Freddy Krueger was scary! 4 STARS
Well… there you have it, Muppet fans. Sorry to spoil any ideas you ever had about how awesome Fraggle costumes could be… because as these have certainly proved, it’s a lot easier to imagine than to actually create. Yeesh. Until next year… this has been The Muppet Mindset’s Muppet Halloween Costume Spooktacular!
The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier